I haven't written anything for a while because, well, because "I am completely miserable, San Diego!" Don't worry, I'm not dying, I'm not even clinically depressed, I’m just miserable. I'm one of those lucky, lucky chicks who gets hit by PMS like a train and all of a sudden I can hardly do anything. Not always, but a few times a year. And when it happens I pretty much turn in to a walking talking mess of profanity and blind hatred. I hate work, I hate people, I hate inanimate objects, I really hate mirrors and I probably even hate puppies. I don't want to leave the house and if you make me you better make damn sure you hold my hand otherwise I may well jump in front of a bus.
I'm slowly coming through the other side and have decided to get the hell back to work, blog work anyway. I don't write when I'm grumpy because I'd probably just write "Oh please just fuck off world" over and over and over again and the internet deserves better than that. Not much better, but definitely a bit better.
So, what a week to miss! Russia is totally invading the Ukraine but no-one's really talking about that, I'm sure it's okay though and they'll probably totaallllyyy behave once they get their way just this one time. I mean if History has taught us anything it’s that… oh, actually… wait. Also in the news, uppity prudes everywhere took to the media to tell female celebrities that if they don’t want their naked photos stolen then they should just NOT TAKE NAKED PHOTOS. Also burglary victims could help out by just not having houses and in fact victims of all crimes should just not exist because existing is just asking for trouble and if y'all could go ahead and juuuust kill yourselves, that'd be super and the world would be a much safer place.
In news yesterday, Prince William has blown his royal load in to the royal vagina and knocked up Princess Kate again... I assume in a desperate attempt to evoke some national pride and woo Scotland in to not leaving us in that little referendum thing they have coming up. Because nothing says, “We understand you’re pissed off about being minimum wage slaves for rich tyrants,” like bringing yet another freeloading Overlord in to the world for them to curtsy to. In seriousness, if there are any Scots reading, please don't leave us. We know you're angry and we know we've let you down, but please, give us another chance. If you leave, you abandon us to a Tory Government for, well, the foreseeable future until the end of days. I know we did bad at the last election, we didn’t mean to, we thought we were voting Lib Dem, we didn’t know that meant we were voting Tory. Please, give us another chance and I promise you that will NEVER happen again!
In other news, Islamic State and...... Oh who cares, we're all doomed. DOOMED I SAY!!!
(P.s. See how much fun I am when I'm PMSing?)
Since it is physically impossible for me to have PMS, I wonder what it's called when I do the exact same thing?
ReplyDeleteIt is these things that go through my head that cause me to end up on medication.
And I have a friend that I play online on Xbox with regularly. He lives in Edinburgh. I'll pass your apology on to the Scots.
Yes! Please do! Tell him England's really sorry and England will do anything you want if only you'll stay. Even dirty stuff that England said wasn't okay before. Yeah, tell him all that for us please.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what's it's called when men sort-of-PMS. We should create a new acronym for it, men deserve a free pass for being hostile and terrifying just as much as chicks do.
OCT!!! Opti-cynical tension!
ReplyDeleteThink October will get mad we stole its shit?
ReplyDeleteOh yeah... Damn you October.
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